Denouement. Well. Here it is, the finale to the Level50 project. If you told me a year ago that I’d be feeling a little melancholy mixed with some excitement, and perhaps a touch of angst I might not have agreed with you. However, as I ponder the results of t
he Level50 project, I find myself at an interesting crossroads with this entry’s big question: did I accomplish what I set out to do with the Level50 project?
In a word, Yes. But to leave it at that would not honor the spirit of this project of self-reflection. Thus, I believe it to be prudent to expound on the affirmative. When I set out on this project, I put together an outline of 12 different subjects I wanted to explore throughout the year. In addition, I pu
t together a few goals that included eating better, losing weight, maintaining my fitness, and learning to play my electric guitar. You get it, basically doing all I could to ward off the fact that I was headed for the mid-century mark.
But a funny thing happened along the way. I found that each subject I broached opened myself up to different thoughts and feelings that presented themselves as either a wonderful trip down memory lane or the inverse, a bleak reminder of a situation that did not work out the way I wanted it to. But in the end, I come away from the Level50 project with a better understanding of myself and how I plan to tackle the next SEASON but more importantly, I learned a thing or two.
I learned to Let Go.Regret is an interesting concept and I believe it is one that many of us struggle with throughout our march towards the bright light. I realized over the last 365 days I was carrying so much extra weight in the form of reliving past mistakes that it was crowding out room for other things that would be so much more beneficial. The most challenging entry in the Level50 project was FALLING. I originally penned that entry in April of 2021, and it hit me so hard it took until October to process the impact this subject had on me. Initially, I decided to just keep it shelved but as the year rolled along, I realized that was the exact
opposite of what I should do. It became apparent that I needed to put it out there. Share it. Admit it. And finally, Let Go.
A serendipitous moment occurred during the Level50 project that truly brought clarity to this journey of introspection. Due to the world environment, my 30-year high school reunion was pushed from the summer of 2020 to the middle of the Level50 project. At the first of the year, I was not sure I was going to invest the time and effort to venture across this great country to attend. But in the end, my extroverted tendencies won out and I made the trek from North Carolina to my hometown, O-Town. It was in the 3 days of reconnection that made me realize so many of us have been down similar roads that produced the triumphs and trials we shared with each other.
It was in these moments of sharing the pleasure and pain of the past I experienced such an epiphany as I realized I harbored too many negative feelings for certain events over the last 50 years. As I crested beyond the halfway point of the Level50 project, I actively began the cognizant exercise of releasing resentment towards others, forgiving myself for mistakes, and resolving to not manifest this negative energy in the future. Simply put, I began to process it, deal with it, and finally, Let Go.
I learned to Hold on Tight. It will probably not come as a shock to hear that the second thing I learned just so happens to be diametrically opposed to the first. However
, after a little explanation I suspect you may just land where I did, learning to Let Go of some things is the right choice but to Hold on Tight to others is just as apropos.
I started the Level50 project with a take on my FAMILY. Not the one I built with my beautiful and talented wife that has resulted in three amazing young men but the one I grew up with for the first 18 years of life. Mathematically, this family of four was only a daily fixture for a third of the first 50 but they have absolutely been a force of influence for the whole duration. I discussed the fact we were not perfect, but we were a family that figured out how to stay together after a fashion. To put it another way, we may not be together on the regular, but we figured out how to Hold on Tight.
Throughout the Level50 project I have had the chance to really observe the three young men I raised over the last 22 years. I am shattered at the idea of tucking in these boys has practically come to an end. There was something so comforting and precious at the chance to quietly sit with my offspring at bedtime and talk about their day and then seize the moment to let them know why I am so proud of them and that I love them. Those days have yielded to discussions of nuptials, career paths, and the travails of high school. No matter. It may not be story time any longer, but I am seizing the chance to have those conversations and to Hold on Tight.
As I round out this last entry of the Level50 project, I realize I misspoke. I stated above that I raised three amazing young men and that is simply not true. I should say that WE raised three amazing young men. I did not do it alone, I had help. A lot of help. And this help was courtesy of the One I have experienced more than half of the first 50, My True Companion. I suspect our story reads like so many others: a couple of opposites found themselves attracted to each other and figured out a way to keep it together. To say there have been moments of questioning whether the union made sense coming from both sides is perhaps the most naked truth I can speak. But the other truth, at least from my perspective, is that I have no idea where I would be today without My True Companion. I am confident it would not be here. You have helped me to be Happy, Healthy, and Compassionate. And for that, until I reach that bright light, I will Hold on Tight.
If you need me, I will be in the garage gym doing my best to hit 400 lbs on the back squat and contemplating what to Let Go and what to Hold on Tight.
My Love to all of you,
- CPH